


our world within a small town

by drgskies



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual suggestive content, M/M, Mending Relationships, Sad with a Happy Ending, Trans Dande | Leon, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, i will story tell to the best of my ability for this one, mentions of abuse, trust me a lot of it was caused by miscommunications and lack of contact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29505108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drgskies/pseuds/drgskies
Summary: "we were too young and too dumb to understand the concepts of things like love and loyalty. far too innocent to know where life would take us and how painful a goodbye it all was when we parted ways."
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> long time no see! don't worry my other two projects are Not forgotten. I've been struggling immensely with my mental health on top of college so I'm back to updating/writing whenever I have the motivation to.

**_“Have you seen the newest article about Kibana? They’re crazy for nosing their way into his new relationship!”_ **

**_“Seriously? The guy has a new partner almost every year at this point. I can’t blame them for keeping notes on it, the guy gets around, and we don’t even know when this one will end either.”_ **

**_“Hey, you can’t say that after the shit Kibana has gone through with that one relationship of his…”_ **

**_“You mean with that one dude? What was his name again … Noah? I get you, but don’t you think he’d have gotten the clue by now?”_ **

**_“Yeah, but they’d been together for three years; everyone thought they were gonna get m-”_ **

_That’s enough of that_ , Leon thought to himself. The soft melodies flood into his mind when he hit play on his phone; he heaved a heavy sigh as he continued his walk home. The touch of snow crunching beneath his feet, _it’s been snowing a lot lately … he would’ve loved it_ , Leon added. The staccato sounds of crunching snow were something **he** enjoyed pointing out, the smallest details, the silliest ones, too. Leon never understood that about him, but he knew he came to love that trait of his all the same. After all, there was no one ever quite like his Raihan. But, part of him wonders if he could even call _him_ that anymore; it’s been … **years** since they have seen one another. There was this false hope, this desperate clawing in the back of his mind that _he’ll come back_ _like he always has_. Though, can it be that easy when … when you’re the one who pushed him away in the first place?

**_“Leave with me, please-”_ **

**_He can remember the desperate look on Raihan’s face as he held his hand. He could even remember how Raihan clung to the thick woven vines of ivy that seemed to have scaled the side of Leon’s side of the house. It was, in a way, romantic when you think about it. At the time, Raihan learned how to scale the ivy vines skillfully. So that he can sneak into Leon’s room at night so that they could be with each other even when their parents had shooed them off for the night._ **

**_But this time around, Raihan had this scared, desperate look in his eyes that Leon had never witnessed before. In turn, it scared him, too. When the source of your happiness suddenly changed and now feared something, or was drowning in this sudden display of frantic desire. Would you be scared, too? What would you have said, at that moment so suddenly, that you were asked to abandon everything in your small, tightly knit town?_ **

**_Well, Leon couldn’t answer. So he didn’t and simply stared for what seemed to have been long, painful minutes for Raihan. He could even see the hurt in Raihan’s eyes, and gods above - it made him want to cry. To hurt the very person you loved for as long as you could remember._ **

**_Leon can remember the hurt in Raihan’s voice as he spoke, the way he tells him to at least say to no one that Leon saw him tonight. That he’ll be gone - Raihan … he always had a harsh family life, it was why he found himself spending so much time with Leon and his family. It had gotten to the point that they came to know one another so well that a day without Raihan was like a day of rain. That someone, somewhere, would be crying without his presence._ **

**_He had also mentioned leaving this small town one day, too. To see the world, he said, to find him among the crowds. Leon loved that idea, also. To travel with someone, he cared so deeply for and to spend their days … together - like … like people in_ love _do. Like his mama and papa do - he wanted that with Raihan, and Raihan knew. Because he did too, so they promised themselves to one another - that when they’re older and ready, maybe they could love each other if time was kind._**

**_And since -_ **

Leon decidedly looks off to the children at play to distract him. Some caught sight of the violet-haired man and waved to him excitedly; others yelled out a warm greeting to which Leon could only smile just as warmly as he gave a small wave before continuing in his path home as _much as Leon was seen as the sunflower of the town. Over the years, many have said there was a sense of loneliness that followed him_. Many have also noted that it was most likely caused by the lack of **his** sun to orbit around. Whenever such things were mentioned, Leon ignored it—ignored, ignored, ignored. How can he deal with the reality of it all if people continued to say it? How can he move on with the truth if people pitied him? 

Well … can he say that he’s trying to move on when he still has pictures of them in every room of his house? Like a cruel reminder of his one mistake that caused him to feel so, so lonely, he’s tried dating; he’s tried seeing other men, has tried loving another. Still, no one ever loved him as Raihan did - but perhaps that’s unfair, comparing them to Raihan when they’re their person, after all. But maybe that’s why Leon isn’t cut out for dating. Because he will inevitably compare his current partner or someone that showed interest in him to Raihan. The pursuit of love inevitably stopped, and Leon kept to himself and his books, writing, and career, all in the (suffocating) sanctuary of his home.

“Is that…?” A voice calls the moment Leon turned the street corner, passing Anabel’s bakery on the way. The brief warm draft that left the store greeted his legs, but the small voices didn’t stop. Eventually, people were excited or shocked when they spoke, which drew attention to the very destination Leon was heading. Home. “Oh my god, it is! It’s Raihan?!” 

_Raihan -_

Leon didn’t want to believe it, but when familiar faces peeked over. Leon could only follow their line of sight, his home - his … a tall man was standing by the fence of his home. Some people greeted the man with zeal, others were visibly emotional, but all Leon could feel was this wicked, sickening twist of dread, affection, hope, and so, so much more - but then all of it became bitter, volatile, and heavy. His heart and mind at war, _there’s no way that’s Raihan_ , a pessimistic part of his mind said, but his heart, oh, his gentle heart - his loving, warm, and soft heart, wept and pleaded for it to be his Raihan. His Rairai, his sun, his love, his - feet are moving him closer to the house. To see for himself, but there’s this pit in his stomach that’s **scared,** but when had he ever been scared of his Rairai?

This pit in his stomach tells him to _get away_ and find someplace to sit alone until this person left so he could sneak into his home undetected. So he could avoid looking at this person and stop giving in to false hopes of something **more** , of the one thing he desperately wanted. But Leon’s feet continued, his hands clammy while gripping the bag strap. Once pushing his headphones down, familiar voices called out. “Leon, look! Raihan’s come home -” 

_Impossible,_ he wants to reply. He wants to be bitter, but how can he when it was his fault in the first place? But the air in his lungs escapes him when striking teal eyes look at him. Wide amber eyes taking in the sight of this … this _so-called Raihan_ , but the … the childish look of playful teal eyes, now mixed with what could very well be years of … of **something**. It’s a small glint of warmth that Leon knew so well because only Raihan had ever looked at him like _that_. Like he was the only person ever to exist, the world only consisted of **them** like their world was just this small town. That was the look that would always steal his breath away. That was the look he desperately sought but could only ever find in his Raihan. _His Raihan,_ his -

“Get out.” Tumbles from his lips, “Go back to wherever you flew in from.” 

Raihan’s face is stricken with shock as Leon spoke. Teal eyes widening ever so slightly as the people nearby are stunned into silence.

“You don’t have a life here anymore.” Leon adds, “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

All he could remember after was how quickly he fled to his house, fumbling with his keys gripped in shaky hands. But the moment he entered his house and slammed the door shut with the switch of the locks - the world had gone quiet in this small house, if not for the little sniffles and shuddering breaths that escaped the man.

* * *

What felt like days seemed only to be mere hours that passed. Leon can’t remember the last time he’s cried that hard, and part of him shuns the fact that this has affected him so profoundly. Day after day, he’d look in the mirror to greet himself with tired eyes; others, he’d struggle to get out of bed at all. _You’re better than this; what are you doing crying like some hopeless kid?_ Though, part of him did feel like a helpless child. There was much left unsaid; for most of his life, Leon didn’t know where Raihan went. He didn’t know if Raihan was even _alive_ until there was a sudden influx of rumors and gossip about the **newest** and _hottest_ influencer. It wasn’t worth Leon’s time; after all, who had time to waste on things like influencers? They usually only caused trouble for their communities. But … this name always popped up wherever he went from the mouths of the other townspeople.

**_So one day, Leon curiously sought out this Kibana and what he was all about. The shock was an understatement; he could remember the gasp that left him as he saw article after article about Kibana’s numerous relationships. Some were horrible, abusive, toxic - Leon remembered thinking: why would they ever publish these things for everyone to see? But as he continued to scroll through page after page, he felt more and more nauseous by the passing seconds._ **

**_This was his Raihan. He could tell; it’s in that smile- and those eyes. Those eyes were like gems, finely polished and cut to perfection; they were special, unlike any other’s, they glittered with gentle warm undertones despite the chilling teal. In an instant, Leon knew that this was the same man that had been labeled missing for a decade. So why is he now just showing up to the public? He clicks on an interview, and Leon sees Raihan, alive and whole- at least, physically. Some scars litter his face, and Leon finds himself touching his screen as if to trace them. His hair has gotten so long, too. When Raihan was younger, his hair was thick and curly; it was the cutest thing Leon saw about him._ **

**_Now it was all locked into thick dreadlocks, with an undercut, and… are those tattoos? His mother would kill him if she saw this, but maybe that’s why Raihan has never bothered to return home. No matter how many times Raihan’s mother had asked Leon if he had heard from her son, he could never give her a reply. The only one that ever sufficed was: I wish I heard from him, too._ **

**_His Raihan was hurt; those scars were so visible and apparent on his face. They must’ve been deep ones; who would do such a thing? His Rairai was hurt and had to take care of all this by himself- but can he still call this man his? Leon can barely recognize his voice, this confidence, this charisma. This man was the complete opposite of the memories Leon desperately held onto. His Raihan was gentle, shy, and playful; he can remember the first time they spoke. Raihan stuttered so much to the point where he hid behind his father’s leg when they introduced themselves to Leon and his mother._ **

**_The days after that, Raihan would startle at the sight of Leon looking his way from his house. Whenever Leon said hello, Raihan would flee the moment he could and sometimes ran before the violet-haired boy could even raise a hand in greeting. Leon managed to trap the shy boy, though. When he did, he declared them the best of friends. Raihan’s expression was owlish, and he was utterly speechless in response, but he blushed- and with a nod, their days henceforth were spent in each other’s presence._ **

**_That was the first moment Leon’s heart danced in his chest._ **

Exhaustion weighed heavily on his body, wanting nothing more than to go to bed. Leon didn’t have the energy to drag himself upstairs; the stairs themselves made the idea more taxing for the man. Perhaps he’ll take a moment before moving, and the couch was soft and warm in the space he’s laid in. As he closed his eyes, there was a knock at the door. _They’ll leave; eventually_ , Leon thinks, and for a moment, the knocking ceased after the first time. 

But after 5 minutes, there was another rap against his front door.


	2. Chapter 2

"Leon,  _ please _ ." The voice called out from behind the solid wood door. Why did he open the door without checking like an utter  _ idiot  _ who didn't just say what he did earlier to the man?  _ You're something else, Lee _ , he wants to think. But he can't because another part of him is panicking now that Raihan is aware he's around. He should've just gone to bed! "I just … there's a lot I need to say, okay?" Raihan starts, even though his voice is nothing more than a mumble. Leon could hear thickly accented words from the other side. "But I don't want to talk about this out here. May I have a chance to speak?"

_ No. _ Leon thinks, but it's so hard to say no, for all his life, he could never learn that  **no** was okay to say. Not for the lack of want to, Leon loved helping others, being around others, and making them happy in some way- so no, never became a part of his vocabulary. But here it feels crucial that he starts learning,  _ no _ , _ I said to leave _ \-  _ no, I want nothing to do with you _ . All thoughts but none could form on his lips. 

He was so desperate to hold him.

But he was so, so terrified that too much has changed.

_ What would you do if your first love came back into your life?  _

_ Leon could remember when he finally understood and could consciously say, "I'm in love." It was the happiest and saddest day of his life because the person he loved had been missing for three years at that point and had no way of finding him. I'm in love with someone I don't even know is alive anymore. That realization curled in his stomach and lurched sickeningly, to be able to say, "I'm in love." But experience heartbreak all over again. Like an old wound reopened _

_ "Oh, who is it, mijo?" His mother responds, the kitchen smelled of warm, savory spices and the sound of stew boiling in the large pot on top of the stove. He already wanted to cry. _

"Lee?" The voice called him back, "I… I'll leave if you want me to, I won't bother you again. I … I just want you to know that I'm really sorry, for everythin' I did that ended up hurtin' you." His voice was small, vulnerable, and not above weak. Part of Leon told him to open the door, and another wanted to be upset, rightfully so, that there was no contact after all these years. Nothing! Leon thought Raihan was dead until he heard about him from…. from fucking  _ fans _ by chance!

As if the day could trigger a worse headache, Leon could hear the shuffling of snow as Raihan began to walk away.  _ Keep going, keep going _ \- 

_ But you'll never have this chance again. _ He thinks, no closure, just more open wounds, and part of him thinks:  _ if he cared, he would have fought harder to make amends _ , and yet he didn't, docile as ever. Refrained and distant, Raihan did no such thing.  _ But you want to hold him;  _ his heart beats-  _ as you used to-  _ it reminds him, and it's what ultimately makes him open his door. When Leon peeks out, he already sees a broad back walking away, “w-wait -” he calls out, startling Raihan to attention once more. Then, though teal eyes land on him again and for a second, his words die on his lips. That is until he remembers the very awkward, yet painful, situation they’re in at this very moment in time. 

Raihan’s walking back to the front door but stays at a distance when he realizes that Leon keeps the door between them. He doesn’t blame the violet-haired man, but part of him feels a pang of sorrow at the sight. “I’m sorry.” Raihan starts, “I’m not here to make excuses; I’m… pretty sure you’ve seen the shit I’ve been doin’.”

“I had to find out from  _ fans _ ,” Leon says icily. “I don’t want to catch up.” He adds, “just… please, just speak already.”

At this moment, Leon’s blunt nature takes Raihan by surprise, and he’s speechless for a second until he clears his throat. “I don’t … I don’t think it’d be right to you to say all this … out here.” He glances towards the very obvious, with Raihan being outside as the new wave of snow falls throughout the peaceful, quiet town. “Can I come in? I’ll be out of your hair the moment I’m done.” It shows that Leon’s fighting with himself at the request, how he just wants to close the door and end the conversation. Not out of mistrust, but out of keeping himself from breaking. 

He’s silent, eyeing Raihan, who doesn’t do anything that would make Leon second guess him. Distance kept, and hands at his sides. He decides to hear him out, and so his front door is opened. “Get in.”

* * *

Raihan really did have the same habits as he did back then. As a kid, he always removed his shoes and left them at the door, took his hats off, and removed his coat to avoid any possible dust or dirt getting on anything- Leon watched the whole thing unfold before him. It catches Raihan’s attention, but he’s unsure why Leon is looking at him in a way that he genuinely can’t describe. “Did I… do something weird?” Finally setting his shoes to the side as he speaks, Leon blinks and shakes his head.

“No, no just-” he pauses. “Please just get to what you want to say.”

_ He’s handsome, Leon thinks as he scrolls through Raihan’s social media. He’s grown to be such a lovely guy. It’s almost painful in a way that Leon wasn’t able to  _ **_see_ ** _ that growth, to grow up alongside Raihan, but he knew that it was just a pipe dream given the circumstances. It didn’t take away that want, though. Leon can remember the times he’s gotten so jealous when he read comments on Raihan’s posts and pictures, so many people, both men, and women, fawning over every detail of Raihan’s pictures. How handsome he was and how much they wanted to have his attention, some being so risque in delivery that Leon huffed bitterly. How could Raihan want any of this? These … these people that only objectify him and can’t see his real worth? _

“Leon?” A voice calls out when Leon blinks again. He’s realized Raihan has walked closer in worry. “You weren’t … here; I was speakin’.” Raihan hesitantly says, to which Leon shakes his head, a muttered apology follows after.

“Sorry. I just…” Looking at Raihan closer, though, he can see the scars on his face and the hints of tattoos on his body. It distracts him again, but this time he voices it. “She hurt you…” 

“You…” Raihan pauses, “so you heard about-” biting at his lower lip, Raihan sighs after. “I’ve been through worse.” 

“Don’t say that, Raihan.” Leon rebukes, “you were hurt! By … by someone you loved!” Those words hurt leaving him. “You can’t just think nothing of it, you-”

“Leon, please. I’m not here for me.” 

“...fine.” 

“Thank you, as I was saying… I’m sorry. For everything, the confusion I must have put you through. The stress of keepin’ it a secret that you knew I ran away, not knowin’ if I was even  _ alive _ or not. I’ve seen the missin’ kid news; it scared me. To remember how many people I actually left behind.” Not meeting Leon’s eyes, he continued to speak. “But you were a constant; in the beginning, I always thought,  _ I have to go back, _ but I knew I would just feel miserable havin’ to go back to a shitty family. I couldn’t do it; I had to go, you knew that."

"I did." Leon agrees softly, "but I didn't want you to." The look in Raihan's eyes pools with a sadness that was void in the pictures and videos Leon has seen of him. Part of Leon wondered if that was genuine happiness, "and you did." He crossed his arms, "you didn't seem happy here, and yet … you still came back." 

"Y-yeah, I guess it did. Initially, it was for work in the next town over and I…" Raihan paused, "I really missed y-"

"Please, stop." Leon cuts off, " don’t start off with that. If you did miss me, you would've come back sooner. Or you would've called me, texted me, something! But you didn't, so how can I believe what you're saying isn't just some guilt trip to get me to accept your apology?" 

"Because I was scared, okay? Because unlike what everyone thinks, I'm scared about knowin' what you still think of me after all the shit I've done." Raihan retorts, leaving Leon in silence. "Leon, I've robbed people, stolen from stupid supermarkets to clothe myself and feed myself. I smoked, drank, did all of the things parents _ wished _ their kids never did. I stuck with the wrong crowds, made the wrong types of friends in the beginnin'." Like a dam, everything was breaking in that moment. "Yet throughout it all, I always thought about you, and how disappointed you'd be if you saw me doin' all of that, and I  _ hated _ it, I hated myself, but it got me by." The guilt felt so suffocating as it weighed heavily in the living room. "So please, when I say I would take everythin' back, I would- I got with the wrong people to think it'd stop the void formin', I got hurt, a part of me even thought it was just some sort of punishment finally comin' to get me."

"Raihan."

"But it just kept goin'! The abuse, the pain, bein' dragged around like a trophy for my looks and popularity. If I didn't give everythin' of myself, I was the problem."

"Rai-"

"So I'm tryin' here, so  _ please _ -"

" **_Raihan_ ** !" Leon yells out, snapping Raihan out of his downward spiral in one shout. It takes him a moment to collect himself, but Leon digs crescents into his fingers as he does so. "I am disappointed. _ In all of this _ . But I don't…  _ hate _ you as much… as I want to." His words ease-out, "you didn't deserve to go through all of this even if you think so." His lip begins to quiver as he speaks, "because even if you left, I thought I was just… I didn't think you'd-" 

It's when hot, thick rivulets of tears begin to trek down Leon's face that Raihan clues in. Panicking as a result, "Leon? No, no, god no, Leon." He's taking a step closer unknowingly as he speaks, "I didn't say all that to… upset you, but I guess all I'm doin' is that huh? I'm sorry. Please, don't cry, I'm … truth be told, I'm pretty shit at comfortin' others now." He admits, and that gets a dumb, warbled laugh out of Leon, but he only begins to cry harder after. 

"Just... h-hold me, you idiot." He stutters out, seeing the shock on Raihan's face at the request, and it almost leaves Raihan confused on how to initiate something _ so simple _ as a hug. But as Leon begins to wipe at his eyes, Raihan steps forward, carefully wrapping his arms around the smaller man, and when he feels Leon (absentmindedly) nuzzle into his chest. His face warms at the sight, but his eyes hold a glint of guilt.

“God, Leon, I’m so sorry.” Raihan says again, “I don’t even know how to make it up to you; I didn’t … even think I’d even get the chance to apologize to you,” he admits. While Leon eventually wraps his arms around Raihan’s torso, he could feel how tight the smaller man clings to him. A large hand is moving to smooth against his back as teal eyes watched in utter silence. “I’m so sorry,” Raihan whispered.

* * *

Leon doesn't quite remember making his way to his bedroom. In fact, he doesn't even remember falling asleep! The last thing that was on his mind was… Raihan- is he still here? That question lingers with something twisting and turning in his chest, panic, and he believes it to be. To finally  _ feel _ Raihan in his arms again, only for him to disappear the moment he cries his eyes out to him.

That's right, Leon broke down crying, which in turn didn't allow Raihan to say a lick of what he actually wanted. But now, he's probably long gone, and that thought hurts him. It cuts right through him like a heated blade, and that hurt is what makes him seek out the man, praying that he's still in his home. "Rai…?" He calls out from his bed, eventually, he's tossing his legs over and making his way towards the door when he hears  _ something, _ but it's so vague that Leon chalks it up to his imagination.

"Rai!" He calls out again, but there's no answer, and the panic settling in his chest weighs on him more.  _ Please, please don't go- you're finally here, please  _ -. "Rairai!" Leon yells out when he rushes downstairs. He feels so pathetic to cry out for someone like this, but it's desperation for  **him** . For  _ something _ , the closeness? The touch of Raihan's hands and arms around him? He didn't know, but he had longed for him to return for so long, he probably seemed like a fish out of water.

"Hm?" A voice calls out, "whoa, whoa - hey, what's wrong?" It came from the kitchen, and amber eyes locked onto the man he sought, removing earbuds and rushing out of the kitchen just to make his way to Leon. Raihan's expression twists with worry, and he's careful with his hands, how they ghost Leon's shoulder and forearm when Leon just wished he would pull him in. "Leon, what happened?"

"I…" he stutters, "I th-thought you left." His weak voice mutters out, and he watches Raihan visibly soften at that.

"Can I touch you?" Raihan asks, and Leon nods almost instantly. It's laughable, really, with how starved Leon feels for Raihan's touch. When Raihan gently cradles Leon's cheek in one hand, he leans into it, and he speaks, moving a hand to keep Raihan's in place.

"Please don't go." He pleads, but Raihan is silent at those words. "I miss you, please- please don't leave me again." Such broken words tumble from his lips, and Raihan has this mix of sorrow, guilt, and the further depths of Leon's mind tells him that there's pity in there somewhere. Pity that Leon is practically groveling at his feet,  _ begging  _ for something.

"I'm not goin' anywhere if you don't want me to." Raihan replies, "I was only in the kitchen. I’m sorry I didn't hear you before; I wasn't ignorin' you." Reassuring Leon seemed to be the only thing he could do as of now; his thumb rubbed at the tears that were streaking down soft cheeks. "I hope you don't mind but-" he flusters a bit, "I was makin' you food…"

"Making…" Leon's voice trails off, "you know how to cook?" He sniffles, but the dawning realization of something hits Raihan, and he quickly pulls away with a string of curses. Amber eyes watch as Raihan rushes into the kitchen and the clicks of the stove burners are all he hears until a sigh of relief follows after. So, curiously, Leon makes his way over, still sniffling here and there, before wiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. Raihan looks over to him in the walkway, "what did you cook?" 

" _ Well _ , I remembered that you enjoy stews the most. Though I did what I could, it seemed like you didn't have time to do any shopping-"

There's heat rising to his cheeks at the mention, and Leon stammers before fiddling with his clothes. "Oh… I'm so sorry; I’ve been busy. I-" but he's cut off with a laugh that's practically music to his ears.

"Hey, I'm not gettin' at you for it," Raihan replies, but he walks over, pauses, then carefully reaches for Leon's hands to tug him over to the dining table. "I was cookin' for you, after all." When he seats Leon, he's moving back to stir the contents of one of the pots, and the savory smell finally hits Leon's senses. It smelled delicious. "Where are your plates?"

"The third cabinet to your left." Leon replies sheepishly, "or was it the second…" he mumbles. But he watches as Raihan successfully procures a set of dishes, a bowl, and a plate, which to Leon seemed odd, but he didn't question it one bit and simply continued to spy on the man in silence. 

"Here, eat up, alright?" 

In front of him, Raihan set the same bowl and plate in front of Leon filled with a neat arrangement of meat, fluffy white rice, and perfectly cooked veggies, additionally with a generous serving of the savory sauce from the stew on top. It was your typical beef stew dish, and on the side, was a few slices of the bakery bread he was planning on having earlier. Talk about coincidence. Raihan is moving the wire of his earbuds to wrap around his neck as he sits down across Leon, and the smaller man wonders if he'll be eating, too.

"Are you not eating?" Leon inquires.

"Hm? Nah, I'm okay." Raihan replies. "Besides, I cooked with you in mind; I can grab something to eat later." When Raihan notices that Leon hasn't started eating yet, he tilts his head. "You alright? Did I give you too much?" But Leon shakes his head, picks up his fork, and begins to dig in. The meat was tender and fell apart quickly when the fork dug into the chunks of beef, and the spices and seasoning he used made the dish settle that much warmer in his stomach. On top of that, the rice was soft- pleasant on the palette, and Leon couldn't help but begin scarfing the food down in earnest.

* * *

"Another serving?" Raihan asks, and Leon feels so embarrassed to have eaten the majority of the food there. But in his defense, it was so good. It was comforting to him, to have a homemade meal to wake up to from… someone you've loved for so long. To have them look at you so warmly as you ate and smiled when you looked at them. To Leon, he felt so unbelievably loved at this moment. "I can pack the rest away for tomorrow if you'd like. It won’t do you any good if you upset your stomach." 

"Oh, yeah, okay," Leon answers dumbly, still focused on his thoughts about this, where to go from here- in the end, Leon didn’t hate Raihan. He knew better than to hate Raihan for something he felt was necessary. After all, it was just a need to escape. Does his parents even know Raihan is in town? "Uhm …" he starts, "Raihan?" Watching as the man went about gathering Tupperware for the food, he only hears the small sound of wonder that lets Leon know he's got his attention, "I want…" he pauses, biting down hard on his lower lip. "T-to try…  _ us _ again-" his voice rattles with his anxiety, but there's a deeply rooted fear that sets in when Raihan pauses and turns to look at him as if he said the most obscure thing in the world.

"Us?" Raihan asks, and for a moment that breaks Leon- yes,  _ us _ he thinks, and part of him prays Raihan remembered his promise. Their promise. 

"If you'll have me-" Leon adds in as if that'll lessen the importance of all this. "I know you just got back; I’m sorry, I should've waited in asking."  _ Because you're so damn desperate; to cling to a decade-old promise you made as children. _

"No! No, no I, uh, I didn’t- I didn't expect this to be a conversation...now?" He tilts his head, "after all of, well, you know-  _ this _ that happened, I didn't think you'd be…" Raihan realizes he's going on a tangent for a simple yes or no question. “Don’t rush yourself, okay?” 

_ He’s rejecting you, of course, he would. He saw how desperate and needy you are, there’s no way Raihan would want to be with you now that he’s seen  _ **_this_ ** _. _

“I don’t want you rushin’ into makin’ a decision when you’re so …” he idly moves his head side to side, thinking of a proper way to phrase it. “Emotionally drained.” 

It makes sense, and maybe Leon is jumping the gun out of the need to keep Raihan here.

“But I won’t leave if you don’t want me to.” Raihan adds, “I can stay at the hotel here and visit-”

“You can stay here.” Leon cuts in, “it’s a big house… I have plenty of room here for you. It gets kind of lonely.” Admitting it was just pathetic, really. But there was no other way of phrasing it to get his point across. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Are you sure you want that?” 

With a firm nod, Leon speaks, “yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling with the direction of this one, but better this than nothing, lmao.  
> feedback is appreciated as always. also, I project onto leon a lot in certain ways in my portrayal (i.e I slapped some hispanic/native in him)   
> so teehee but that's not important, shh

**Author's Note:**

> rekindled and the shape of your heart, at the moment, are on the back burner and this will be my main focus for now as i ease back into writing. feedback is, as always, welcomed.


End file.
